Getting older but not necessarily wiser. That’s gotta change!
There are a couple of things in my life right now that I should be happy about. Actually, there are alot. I was born into this world - completely normal. With a pair of loving parents that have done nothing but give me the best that they could. I’m not some guy with a severe heart disease, or lung cancer, or what not. I’m not crippled, nor do I have any existing degenerative diseases. I am a perfectly healthy 20 year old guy attending college in a great university and my family is complete. I have friends that may not always be there when I need them but I know that they’ll always have my back. Plus, I have a home that I can call my own.
Wow. That’s a decent list I’ve come up with for things to be thankful for. Yet I’m not really satisfied. I’m not really sure that I’m happy. I always have doubt inside of me, a search for something to be sad about. An addiction to glitches in what’s supposed to be a happy and good-enough life. I always look for the bad things, like how it is in Medicine. Then I linger in it, I think of it too much that the good things are barely seen anymore. And what’s left of me is such a sad creature that needs holes to be filled round the clock. I realized it tonight. I mean, it’s just so stupid. Why am I such a sad, emotional human being. I should focus more on the bright side(yeah I hear that alot, trust me).
So… I’m just going to apologize to the whole universe and to myself because I’ve been so bad at this - at life. I’m sorry to my father because when I look at him all I see is weakness. Of course, because of his medical condition, he lost alot of weight and has pruritus. He won’t even drink his medicine, blames it for the massive weight loss and is relying on herbal medicine. I hope that really works, and that he’ll have plenty more years to come because I still have hopes and dreams and he plays a big part in them. I’ll try to be the son that I’m supposed to be to him, and be thankful to God that despite everything that has happened, health-wise, he’s still alive and kicking. I mean, maybe not as strong and not as healthy as he used to be, but he shows up for office, he can still do his job, and he still has a knack for jokes. My mom has been the best mother anyone can ever have and I’m sorry because most of the time I’m too strict and straightforward a son, and that’s because I have learned to be more objective in my opinions and to voice them out. Maybe because she became too soft on me ever since high school when she lost her thunder on being the most disciplinarian mother alive. But that’s beside the point… I will start being the son that my parents deserve me to be. I will also perform as the student that is expected of me by the university.. It is fairly unjust to turn down such an opportunity to grow academically in one of the best “College of Nursing” in the entire country. I’ll be the friend that my friends deserve.. The kind that is light, and happy. Less-dramatic and someone they can grow as a person with.
I am on my way to being better, wiser, and more optimistic at life and future endeavors. So help me, God!
